It’s new year’s eve and the bells are ringing (for 6.45pm) at the church across the road from the marina. The adjoining catamaran left for a new years’ jolly, which afforded us more light than usual in the saloon this afternoon. Light by which to… well, slump in exhaustion mostly. Rich climbed a mountain yesterday while I hunched over a desk doing transcriptions – a thankless, attention consuming task that leaves your pocket almost as poor as your posture. This evening we are rooted to the sofa with our youtube videos and cheap lager cans – it’s new year, but not as we know it.
Palma is still gorgeous, though, of course, we are already restless. Something about having a permanent base still doesn’t sit right. It’s odd to think – I live in Spain. Spain, where people really are called Pedro and Paco and Juan. I’m much happier here in Palma than at anchor, and I’ve even found bits and pieces of odd freelance and teaching work, but we’re spending a lot more, moaning about obligations and fantasising about our next move already.
I still get low. I’m still not doing what I think I should be doing. I don’t know what I should be doing. I don’t know even what I want to be doing. I go in little circles. I return to the world.
This world is nice and sunny, unless family and friends visit, then it just pisses down. At night it’s cold, but not yet cold enough that a sleeping bag and a jumper won’t cover it.
This week was Rich’s first week off since we got here, so we borrowed a van from his work for the week. We took it up to Soller through an incredible mountain pass, then to the east of the island to wander its marshes and climb its mountains. I’m not sure I’ve ever climbed a mountain before, and I’m happy to report it’s not as awful as it sounds. We stayed overnight in the back of the van at the lighthouse on Cap Fomentera, on the north easterly peninsula, navigating its high winding road in darkness and waking to find ourselves over a beautiful morning-lit bay. Christmas was quiet, including a stroll, a roast, some phone calls and Rogue One.
Arbitrary though new year’s marker in time might be, it is accompanied by inevitable reflection. There are some experiences from this year that I never want to forget. Reaching France. Reaching Spain. The first dolphin spotted on the south coast of Cornwall. The glimpse of a whale in Biscay. Snorkelling to check on the anchor, swimming ashore to grab coffee and bread, cycling round with half an engine strapped to my back to hunt for an engineer. In the underwater world, octopuses becoming visible only through scrutiny of the textured rocks, changing colour on our approach.
I remind myself of the pleasures of sailing. There’s the self-steering working properly while you play ditties on your uke to the waves, the rare satisfaction of a nicely executed tack, the giggles of both unnecessarily manning the tiller to get drenched in a rainstorm. There’s the point in a night watch when you have the boat just to yourself, eyes adjusted to the starlight, and you hear the “ffff” exhalation of the dolphin who’s come to keep you company. There’s that moment after dropping anchor when you no longer have to sail, and you still yearn to explore. There’s a lot of sunshine and smiles, sloshing and tipping and gazing at the sea.
There are other things I won’t forget about this year. Where I was when I heard in disbelief that we’d voted to leave the EU. The shock of the Trump vote. The shock of Bowie, Prince, Carrie and all the rest. And there are some things I won’t allow myself to forget, that I want to be forced to remember to avoid complacency about the world – Jo Cox, Syria, and the lies of the press which warped and fuelled the year’s tragedies. Next year doesn’t look set to spare the suffering and oppression of people and the destruction of the planet. I want to fight and I feel ashamed that I don’t.
There is a little pride for me, though, in 2016. The hard work of Gwen, the years of it all being sawdust and lists and cold, paying off with a mighty voyage. That we got 2000 miles in the most environmentally friendly way we could, wind fuelled and solar powered.
Also, and first of all, that I wrote, directed and performed a daft musical show and that anybody bothered to watch it. If you really want to, I’ve finally edited it and put it up here:
We don’t know where we’ll end up next year, and that makes me smile. Happy new year, you, with love from Gwendolyn.